The Second Time Around
by HeartandSoul24
Summary: Santana hasn't felt this drawn to a person in a long time, and she doesn't understand it. She doesn't want history to repeat itself. But maybe it'll be different this time.
1. A Secret Never Told

_The grandfather clock in the corner of the family room resonates a comforting rhythm as the back-and-forth, back-and-forth swinging of the pendulum persists its steady strokes. It is constant._

_ Where is she?_

_ Muffled laughter from downstairs grabs my attention and I turn toward the basement door. Everyone is carrying on down below, and I wish so badly that I could be like them. Carefree._

_ They better keep it down, though. I can smell the alcohol from here, and if we get caught I so don't need Gabby's mom calling my parents blabbing about underage drinking. Whatever._

_ I sink a little further into the ottoman I'm sitting on, and I wring my hands together. I press down hard with my thumbs and twist my fingers until I'm focusing on them instead of what she's doing outside with _him.

_ The front door creaks a little as it opens. My eyes immediately shoot to the ceiling, but I don't hear any movement upstairs. Gabby's parents must sleep like the dead. _

_ She rounds the corner, and even through the darkness I can see that she's smiling. It hurts. She makes her way to the basement door and grabs the handle. _

_ "Meg," I call out quietly. Her hand recoils and jumps to her heart as she swings around to face me._

_ "Shit, Santana," Meg hisses. She runs a hand through her hair and takes a deep, steadying breath. "Are you trying to kill me?" _

_I laugh out an apology. Scaring Megan is always hilarious; she's ridiculously easy to sneak up on and always reacts as if she's about to be murdered. She shuffles toward the ottoman and plops herself down next to me._

"_What're you doing up here," she asks. But she already knows the answer._

"_I'm just…I just wanted to make sure you're okay," I mumble, turning away from her slightly. _

_She sighs. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"_

_She shifts closer to me, and I have to remind myself to keep my distance as her smell surrounds me. It's so familiar and so distinctly Meg that there's nothing else like it. _

"_I mean, you were with him, right?" I scowl, "He doesn't exactly have the best track record when it comes to your feelings."_

_She immediately jumps to his defense, "He's not a bad guy!"_

"_Says the girl who calls me crying every night," I spit back. I see her flinch and I instantly regret it. "Shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." _

_I see her face harden, and I already know what's coming next. She'll make me feel like crap, and I'll try to make her feel better about herself. _Again.

" _I didn't realize that talking to me is such a burden," Meg snaps. She rolls her eyes and stands, ready to leave. And even though I know I'm giving her exactly what she wants, I grab her wrist._

"_Wait, Meg please," I plead as I pull her gently back to me. "I just hate seeing you hurt. You know I always want you to call me whenever you need anything. I'm still your best friend, and I still love talking to you. I just think-" I pause. I feel like a broken record I've said this so many times. "I just think that you're amazing, and you deserve better than him."_

"_What, so I deserve you?"_

_Ouch. It would have hurt less if she had slapped me. _

"_That's not fair," I whisper. I feel my throat close up, and I try desperately to breathe normally. The familiar burning behind my eyelids comes anyway, and I will the tears to wait. To just wait until I can let them out when I'm alone._

_Meg softens. "You're right," she says, "Sorry. That was a really bitchy thing to say." She intertwines our fingers, and my thumb automatically begins tracing patterns on the back of her hand. It's a habit hard to break. She doesn't pull away, though._

"_You're not a bitch," I reassure her as I bump my shoulder into hers. It makes her smile. _

"_Yeah, well," she shrugs. I see her hesitate before she says, "He promises it'll be different this time."_

_And just like that, the floodgates are open. Hot tears cascade down my face before I have the chance to stop them. Shit. _

_I turn away._

_ "Well, I hope he keeps his promise this time," I choke out. I try to make my voice sound normal, but it doesn't work. I sound like I'm being strangled. _

_ "Hey, come on," Meg whispers. She pulls me closer to her and wipes my tears away, but fresh ones swiftly replace them. She sighs and wraps her arms around me. _

_ For a second it feels like it did before—when the whole world would disappear and we would get lost in each other. But then-_

_ "This has to stop, you know," Meg murmurs into my hair. I feel my heart break a little more, if that's even possible. _

_ I push her away._

_ I find my voice and sputter, "Do you think this is easy for me? Seeing you with him?"_

_ "No, I don't." Her voice is unyielding, "But this is how it is. You have to try."_

_ "I have been trying," I whimper._

_ "Well then try harder," she snaps. _

_ I pull my bottom lip into my mouth and bite down, trying to hold in any more tears that threaten to fall. It's hard to keep calm and breathe at the same time, so there's a moment of total silence. We just stare at each other as she waits for me to say something. _

_ All of the air leaves my lungs as I release it with the slump of my shoulders. Defeated, I shake my head and back away from her._

_ "Ugh, I'm sorry okay," she huffs, "I know you're trying. But making me feel guilty isn't going to change anything. It can't be like it was be fore. It's hard for me, too, but it's never going to happen. It can't. Do you understand?" The look in her eyes is pleading. And like so many times before, I remind myself that it doesn't even matter what I want. I'll do whatever I can to make her happy, even if it kills me. _

_ "Yeah, I understand," I breathe. I feel nothing. Everything is numb. _

_ "Okay," she half-smiles. She wipes the tears from my face again, but I don't even feel it. "Just give him another chance, yeah? For me?"_

_ "Whatever," I shrug._

_ "Thank you," she rubs my arm and looks toward the basement door. "Let's go down okay? I don't know how long you've been waiting up here for me, but I know I've been gone for at least, like, and hour," she laughs. I smile, but only to make her feel better. To make it seem like everything will be okay. _

_They probably didn't even notice we were gone anyway._

"_Sure," I nod, and then lead the way. When we get back to the party everyone is already too far-gone to see that I've been crying. I'm immediately pulled into a game of peer pong. _

_5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!_

_Everyone yells and laughs and hugs and kisses. I look for Megan and she finds me in the crowd. She pulls me into a hug and leans in close to my ear. _

"_Happy Ney Year, Santana," she murmurs above the noise. _

"_You too." I squeeze her closer to me. _

_Everyone ends up passing out gradually throughout the night until just Meg and I are left. She's really drunk and is struggling to keep her eyes open when she grabs my hand. I stiffen._

_She can't keep doing this. It's not fair. _

"_s'gon be okaaay, ya know," she slurs. I don't reply. _

_We fall asleep holding hands that night just like so many others before it. And I almost want to laugh; because we ended the same way we started—hidden from all of our friends. From everyone. One big secret that would never be told. _

"Are you sure you don't want to bunk the beds? You'd have so much more room in here!" Mom says as she pulls my red sundress from the closest suitcase and hangs it in my new closet. If you can call it that—it's more like a rectangular hole in the wall with a stick shoved into its sides.

"Yeah, Mom, come on. Just because I got here first doesn't mean I can take over the whole room. I'll talk to Tina about it when she gets here. And you don't have to do that you know," I say as I reach for the next shirt she pulls from the suitcase. "I mean, I _am_ in college now. I don't need you to hang my clothes for me."

"I know that, but I want to!" She grins and snatches the shirt from my fingers, maneuvering it onto a plastic hanger. "We'll just get you settled."

"Just humor her, Tana," Dad grunts as he pushes the refrigerator up against the wall. He plugs it into an outlet. "She's gonna baby you for as long as she can," he laughs.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. And hey, I'm not complaining. If you guys wanna unpack my whole room for me, be my guest," I shrug. I dramatically flop onto the nearest bed and fold my hands behind my head.

"We haven't even made the bed yet and already you're lounging about,"

Mom mock-scolds. She gives my thigh a light slap, and I swat at her hand before I roll away. I'm only able to twist around two times before I hit the wall with a thud. "There's no escape!" Mom smirks and hits me with a pillow. "Get your lazy butt off of that mattress, Tana."

"Hm, I didn't know you shorten your name like that," an unfamiliar voice chimes in. I sit up and look towards the door. "Tina and Tana," the girl says with a smile. "I like it!"

Her voice is soft and unsure, but it's friendly. The girl's black hair is pulled into a side ponytail, and I notice a shimmer of blue dye as she moves further into the room. She's dressed in all black. She drops two suitcases onto the carpet and glances around. "This is nice!" She says, and I nod.

I don't really know what to say. During the summer I received my housing information and was told that Tina Cohen-Chang was going to be my roommate. She found me on facebook and we talked a few times to get to know each other—and to decide who was bringing the refrigerator and microwave. But now that she's actually standing in front of me I just feel awkward. I'm always like this when I meet new people, though; I never know what to say so I usually end up not saying anything. But this has to change if I want to make any friends here.

A middle-aged Asian couple shuffles into the room with their arms full of luggage. They must be her parents.

"Tina, hi!" I finally voice, "It's great to meet you. Well, in person," I smile awkwardly. I jump off of the mattress and walk over to the trio.

"I'm Santana," I greet her parents, "here, let me help you with that." A box—that appears to be a coffee maker—is perched precariously on top of the bundle in Tina's mom's arms. I grab it and she shoots me a grateful smile.

Tina's parents place her things by the bed closest to the door. I gesture to Mom and Dad, "These are my parents." They both step forward eagerly.

"I'm Maria. It's so nice to meet you," Mom says as she reaches forward to shake Tina's mom's hand. "And this is my husband, Carlos."

"Are you guys dreading this as much as we are?" Dad shakes his head; "I can't believe my little girl is in college already."

"We're as ready as we'll ever be," Tina's dad responds. "We did this with our son a couple of years ago, and I thought the experience would make this a little easier, but no such luck. I'm Michael, and this my wife Lynn," he says as he shakes Dad's hand and then Mom's.

"Oh, is your son here too?" Dad asks. I roll my eyes. He loves Pittsburgh so much that he assumes anyone would want to attend one of the universities scattered around Oakland, the University of Pittsburgh especially. Dad was ecstatic when I decided on Pitt.

"No, he's actually at the University of Pennsylvania," Lynn responds.

"UPenn?" Mom's eyebrows shoot to her forehead in surprise. "Wow," she smiles, "what an accomplishment!"

"That boy has a lot of drive," Lynn chuckles.

"Yeah, it's a lot of work but he loves it so far," Michael nods. "We're very proud of both of our children," he adds as he pulls Tina into a one-armed hug. She blushes and shoves him away playfully.

Mom throws an arm around my shoulder and presses a kiss to my temple. She has been randomly hugging me and bursting into tears all summer, so it doesn't even surprise me anymore.

"Aw, Mom don't start crying again," I joke.

"I can't help it. It's just so sad!" She chokes out as tears well up in her eyes. "My baby is leaving!"

"Yeah right," I snort, "I'll be home for holidays and summer. I'll be back before you know it." Mom nods and sniffles, and I smirk as I pull her in for another hug. I feel her take a breath to calm herself down, and I'm relieved that she's holding back most of the waterworks.

I glace over Mom's shoulder and see Dad shake his head in amusement. Tina grins and rolls her eyes as she inclines her head in her mother's direction. I'm guessing her mom has been reduced to a sobbing wreck recently, too.

"Alright," Mom pulls back, "enough of this. Let's unpack the rest of your stuff!" She wipes her cheeks and begins to place folded items of my clothing into a nearby set of drawers. Well, those ones are mine now I guess.

"No, Mom, you don't need to pull it in any direction," Tina exasperates, "we just need to push it straight back against the wall."

I laugh as Tina throws her hands up in frustration. "Will you please just do as I say," she whines.

"But your bed would look so…much…better…over…here," she huffs as she continues her solitary mission of pulling the bed in the opposite direction. The bed inches toward her a few inches. I chuckle off to the side and just watch Tina and her mom argue. It's hilarious. Lynn is so tiny there's no way she'll be able to move the bed very far without any help.

Dad is laughing too as he nudges Michael and says, "Arguing to the last second, huh?"

"It has been nonstop recently, I swear!" Michael replies. "Her baby is finally leaving the nest, and she's been going a little crazy-"

Lynn cuts him off, "I am not crazy!"

"It's not…your…room," Tina argues as she pulls the bed back to its original position. She gives me a desperate look, and I smirk and raise an eyebrow. What does she expect me to do? I'm not putting myself in the way of Mama Chang's wrath.

"Fine," Lynn surrenders, "but don't come crying to me when your sleeping patterns are all discombobulated because you slept with your left side to the wall!"

"Mama, what?" Tina looks just as confused as I feel. "What does that even mean?"

"It has been proven in studies all over the world that-"

She cuts her mother off, "You know what, I don't even want to know. I don't know why you read those crazy articles. It's all a bunch of crap."

Lynn gasps. "Take it back!"

"Just let them set their room up the way they want, sweetie," Michael implores.

"They can always switch everything around later if they want to," Mom adds.

"Yeah, Mom, if my sleeping is all 'discombobulated,'" Tina air-quotes, "I'll be sure to call you for the _exact_ instructions on perfect bed placement."

"Watch it," Lynn snaps as she playfully slaps Tina's arm.

"You guys are crazy," I joke.

"You'll learn to love it," Tina smiles.

"Okay," Dad says as he walks back into the room, "there's nothing left in the car."

Mom shakes her head as if that couldn't possibly be true. "Really? Are you sure? Maybe I should go check."

"I'm sure, hon." Dad gives her a sympathetic smile. "She's all set."

"But, I'm sure there's something more we can do…" She trails off as she looks around the room. Everything is already organized and put in place.

"It's okay, Mom," I say as I wrap my arms around her. "You've got a long drive ahead of you, and if you don't leave soon you'll get home really late. You have to leave sometime," I add. I'm excited to be on my own, but there's also a deep pang in my gut as the finality of it all sinks in.

Mom pulls me closer to her and sobs, "But I don't want to!"

I laugh as I pull back. "Everything will be okay, I'll be home before you know it. Come on, I'll walk you guys down."

Mom looks at her shoes as we wait for the elevator, and Dad throws an arm around my shoulders, keeping me close.

When we get to the car, Dad pulls me into a misty-eyed hug and holds on just a little longer as I begin to pull away. He puts his hands on my shoulders and says, "You're going to have so much fun, Tana, and I'm so excited for you. But school comes first. Have fun, but study hard. You're gonna kick ass."

I laugh, "Thanks, Dad."

Mom hugs me again. She's still bawling. "You're gonna do great," she whispers. "I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'm gonna miss you guys, too," I assure her.

She squeezes me harder quickly before releasing me altogether and jumping into the passenger seat.

Dad winks at me and says, "I love you, kiddo," before he opens his car door and situates himself behind the wheel.

Mom rolls down the window, "You call if you need anything. Day or night. Any time."

"I will, Mom, I'll be fine," I promise as I wave from the curb.

They wave one last time before they begin to pull away.

"I love you!" Mom shouts out of the window.

"Love you, too!"

I watch the car until it disappears from view.


	2. Flashes of Blonde

_ "And the worst part is, I _knew_ that something was wrong and I didn't do anything. No matter what happened between us, I should have been there for you. It is my biggest regret, and I'm so sorry."_

I read it slowly this time. I make sure that my eyes linger on each word, and take everything in. But still, I feel nothing. I thought I'd feel different, better maybe, after reading the words I'd longed to hear for years. But I've numbed myself to everything for so long that I guess it all really is just in the past now.

I can start over here. No one knows who I am. I can just be me.

The door bursts open as Tina rushes through it, and I jump slightly in my desk chair as the doorknob slams against the wall and ricochets back towards my roommate.

"My bad," Tina says as she stops the door with the palm of her hand and rushes over to me. "I'm just so excited!"

I raise my eyebrows in question. "Yeah, you seem it," I reply. Her chest rises and falls rapidly with her breathing. Did she run up here or something?

"What's that?" She asks, temporarily distracted, and inclines her head toward the letter in my hands.

"Oh, it's nothing," I shrug, and hastily fold the paper back into fourths. I've read it so many times that it folds like cloth; the worn creases make it look as if I've had the letter for quite some time and not just a couple of days. "It's something from a friend. A nostalgic graduation thing. So what are you so excited about?" I shove the letter into the top drawer of my desk, and smiles with renewed excitement.

"Only the hottest guy _ever_ asking me to meet up with him tonight!" She's bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet and it makes me laugh.

Thinking this is going to be a long story, I make my way over to my bed and cannonball into the sheets.

"That hot, huh?" I smirk up at her as I roll onto my stomach and rest my chin on the backs of my hands.

She widens her eyes and nods her head slowly up and down, making it seem like this guy is some Greek god. "Totally. So I told him we'd meet him in front of the Union at that social thingy."

"Wait, what?" I say as I sit up. "Hold up," I raise my hand in protest, "Why do I have to go?"

"Oh come on, I can't show up alone that would be so lame!"

"But you're meeting _him _there. You're not going alone," I reason.

She huffs in frustration. "But I don't want to look like I don't have any friends."

"We just got here," I argue, "_no one_ has friends yet. Isn't that the point of this whole social thing anyway?"

"Exactly! So we'll go down and meet some new people. It'll be fun!" Tina brings her hands together as if in prayer, begging me.

"And by 'meet some new people' you mean you'll go off with your boy toy and I'll be the one left alone with no friends," I laugh.

"No, no. I don't even know when he's gonna be there. We'll hang out first, I promise. Come on, Santana, pleaseeee?" She gives a little pout, but I just think she looks pathetic. All this over some guy she doesn't even know? He's probably gonna end up being a tool anyways.

"I really wasn't planning on going," I sigh.

"What are you gonna do, just sit around all night by yourself? You've refused to go anywhere for the past two days. What have you been eating, anyway?" She scrunches her eyebrows together, as if just realizing that I'm probably starving to death.

"Cereal," I reply. "I've been setting all of my stuff up. And what if I like being by myself," I add defensively.

Her shoulders droop as she gives up. "Okay," she sighs.

She shuffles back toward the door, deliberately slow. I know she's waiting to see if I'll change my mind. I roll my eyes. As if. I do what I want.

But then something occurs to me: is sitting in my room all night what I want? I mean, that's what I'm used to, but this is my chance to start all over again—and it's walking out the door. I don't have to be alone if I don't want to be.

"Wait," I say before I can stop myself.

She spins around quickly, a hopeful smile on her lips.

"Ugh. Fine. I'll go," I groan as I hop off my bed.

"Really?! Yes! Thank you!" She jumps over to me and flings her arms around my waist, practically tackling me into a bear hug.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm awesome," I say as I pat her awkwardly on the back. I'm not used to this. No one touches me except for family. It just doesn't happen. But it's normal for friends to give each other hugs, so I wait a few seconds before pulling away.

"Okay, let's go," she says immediately, and rushes toward the door.

I shake my head with a breathy chuckle, and I lean down to look under my bed for my missing flip-flop. "You're crazy, you know that," I call out to her.

"Yeah, I know," I hear from the hallway, "but you'll learn to love me. Hurry, I already pressed the elevator button!" I find my flip-flop lying near my box of Frosted Flakes and tug it onto my left foot as I hop to the door on one leg.

I check the back pocket of my shorts to make sure I have my keycard for the building before I shut our door. The elevator dings, and Tina steps in and holds the doors open until I get there. Normally I just take the stairs, but at the rate she's moving she'd get to the lobby first, and I don't know if she's even capable of waiting for me at this point. I step inside and the doors close. I look up at the beeping numbers as the elevator descends to the ground floor. _8…7…6…5…4…3…2…_

We come to a jerky stop that makes my stomach turn, and I rush out as soon as the doors creak open. I've hated elevators ever since I went on the Tower of Terror at Disney World when I was eight. Whoever thought it was a good idea to take me on a ride with ghosts and a sudden billion-story drop was an idiot.

Tina and I walk past the security guard and out of the lobby. We head toward the Peterson Events Center and begin our trek down what everyone calls "the hill." We live on upper campus. I think I'm going to really like it up here, because it'll be quiet at night and it's not as overrun by students. It kind of stinks that everything else is on lower campus, though. I'll have to wake up earlier to get to class and stuff.

"I really like it up her, don't you?" Tina asks.

"Yeah, I was just thinking about that actually," I nod. "I love how there are always people chillin' on the lawn and stuff."

She looks to her left as we pass the open field between the Event's Center and the dorms. Students are spread across it playing pick-up games of soccer and ultimate Frisbee, and some are just lying on the grass talking with friends. It's nice.

"Yeah, that's pretty cool. I'm not really into sports though. So I'll probably be one of those people just sitting there doing nothing," she laughs. "Like, kudos to those people." She nods to my right and shakes her head, as if they're doing the impossible.

I take in all of the students on the treadmills, ellipticals, bikes, and weights that are on full display behind the large glass wall of the Event's Center. "We're here for, like, a day," she continues, "and they're already exercising more than I have in my entire life probably."

This makes me laugh, and I wonder if she's exaggerating or if she really never works out. "That's actually one of the main reasons I wanted to live up here, though," I say, "I love exercising and wanted to be close to the gym."

"Yeah, right," she nudges me with her shoulder, "no one _likes_ exercising. A lot of people just think it's necessary, so they trick themselves into thinking they like it so they'll be able to push themselves to do it every day."

I just stare at her.

"I choose a much better approach to life, though. I eat what I want, and I don't feel bad about it." She shrugs.

"Well, that's awesome," I say, truly impressed with how comfortable she seems to be with herself. It's like she already knows exactly who she is. "But I actually _do_ like it," I continue. "I like the way it makes me feel. There's no better feeling than the one you get after a good work-out."

"Well, I wouldn't know what that feels like 'cause I'm pretty sure the most exercise I get is when I reach for the remote while watching the Olympics."

I snort and give her a shove. "There's no way you're that bad," I say, because really, she can't be serious right now.

"No, for real," she laughs. "But I'm willing to bet all of my money that sex is a better feeling. I mean, people do say that it's the best kind of exercise," she winks. "Woah, wait!" She holds up her hands and stops walking as if being hit with a revelation. I stop walking too. "In that case, I work out a lot." Her face lights up, "I never really thought about that before. I'm totally an athlete!" She throws a fist in the air in victory.

I'm pretty sure my eyebrows meet my hairline and my mouth drops open a bit. I'm not sure if she's joking or if she's serious.

"Yeah," I laugh awkwardly. "That's one way to burn calories." I clear my throat and change the subject quickly, "So, uh, do you know anyone else who's going to this thing?"

Talking about sex has always made me feel awkward. People get all up in everyone's business and start asking questions.

"Nah," she shrugs, "I haven't really talked to too many people since we got here. Just kinda walked around. But then I ran into Seth, and we totally hit it off." She has this dreamy look on her face, and my first instinct is to scoff at the absurdity of it all. She's probably gonna be one of those girls who's in a relationship a week into school. Like that's gonna last. Whatever, it's none of my business anyway.

"Ah, Josh," I say, acting interested. I really need to work on boy talk. "So that's lover boy's name."

She giggles, "Santana, I'm not in love with the guy. I don't even know him. But he's so hot. And I just wanna have fun anyways. Nothing serious."

"Oh," I reply. I can't figure this girl out. The way she was acting in our room earlier made me think she'd be the type to fall in love with the first cute guy to come her way, but everything she's been saying the past few minutes makes me think the complete opposite. She grabs my arm and steers me to the right.

"Let's cross now while they still have the red light," she says before skipping ahead to the opposite sidewalk.

"Okay," I agree and catch up easily. I don't skip though. That's just awkward. I ask, "It's just along Fifth, right?" I'm not exactly sure where the Union is. I'm still confused by all of the building names and locations.

"Yeah, it's right up there," she says, pointing to a tall building straight ahead and to the right. Okay, I'll remember this now; the Union is right across from the Cathedral of Learning.

It's obvious we're headed to the right place, because the closer we get to the building the louder the music gets. There are students sprawled all over the front lawn sitting in groups. They're just getting to know each other, I assume. Isn't that the point of this thing?

"So where do you wanna sit?" I ask Tina as we walk across the lawn.

A banner with 'WELCOME NEW STUDENTS' printed gold against a blue background is stretched across the porch of the Union, and blue and gold balloons are weighted down around the sidewalk to add some decoration. I feel a surge of pride for my school, which is odd because I've only just arrived. And it's not like I had any pride for my high school.

"Hm, how about riiiiiiiight, here!" Tina draws out before plopping herself on a patch of grass right near the statue of the Pitt Panther.

I sit down beside her and pull my knees to my chest. It's still August, but recently the nights have been really chilly. I should have worn pants.

"What now?" I raise my eyebrows. This was her plan, after all.

"Wait for some guys to sit with us, duh," she responds like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh yeah?" I laugh, "And what makes you think anyone is gonna want to come sit with us?"

"Please," she holds up a hand as if I've said something ridiculous. "You're hot. I'm hot. Who _wouldn't_ wanna sit with us? You just wait."

She has no shortage of confidence, I gotta say.

"Yeah, okay whatever." I shake my head, and then rest my chin on my arms. I look at the Cathedral. It really is pretty cool. It was one of the reasons I decided to come here. It totally looks like Hogwarts inside. Seriously, if the staircases moved I would just pretend I was a witch all day.

The grass feels cool against my shorts, and I hope I'm not sitting on a wet patch. Just what I need—to look like I peed myself.

"Hey beautiful."

Tina nudges me and I look over at her.

I furrow my eyebrows, "What?"

She nods over my shoulder as I hear, "Over here gorgeous."

I pivot around to see a tall, tan-skinned boy. A dark Mohawk is striped down the center of his head. A Mohawk. Seriously? What is he, twelve?

"Are you talking to me?" I purse my lips. He quirks an eyebrow, and I realize I'm already being defensive. I'm not going to have any friends if I keep this up. Not that I need friends. But still, it'd be nice to have them.

"You're the hottest girl I've seen so far. So yeah, babe, I'm talking to you." He throws me a lop-sided grin, and starts undressing me with his eyes. I choke back a laugh because who would fall for that? He might as well be wearing a sign that says, "douche bag."

I roll my eyes, "Charming."

He crosses his arms, pushing up his biceps. "Not impressed?"

I cross my arms, too, and give him my best bitch face.

He laughs, "Whatever, it's your loss. I'm awesome. And pretty soon you're gonna realize it. But by then it might be too late, I'm a pretty hot commodity." He shoves the dopey-looking tall kid standing next to him, "Am I right, dude?"

"Don't be a jerk, Puck" his friend mumbles.

Puck scrunches up his face in exaggerated offense. "Whatever, Finnocence, I need me some lady lovin'. That's not a crime. You should try it sometime."

Tina starts laughing, and I give her a questioning look. "Wow, guys," she says, "you sure got some game."

"Oh, I got game," Puck insists. "Why don't you come take a walk with me and I'll show you just how smooth I can be," he continues, extending a hand down to her.

She laughs again and pushes his hand away, "Yeah right," she declines, "you _just_ hit on my roommate. What makes you think I wanna be your second choice?"

"You two are roommates?" He looks back and forth between us. "Hot. Do you wrestle and have pillow fights?"

"Okay, you know what," I stand up and brush off my shorts. "I don't need this crap, I'll see you later Tina—"

"No, wait!" Another voice says as I turn to leave. There's another boy standing slightly behind—Finnocence, was it?—who I hadn't even noticed before. His shaggy blonde hair falls slightly in front of his eyes, and he looks surprised that he has just spoken. I don't say anything, but I don't walk away either.

"Please, just," he steps forward a little, but keeps a comfortable distance between us, "I'm sorry about Puck, okay?"

Behind him, Puck snorts and turns to the tall one, "Is he serious?" he hisses.

"He just…comes on a bit strong when you first meet him, but he's really a great guy. I'm Sam," he holds out his hand for me to shake.

I hesitate a second before taking his hand in my own, "Santana," I reply.

He smiles. "Do you mind if we sit with you?" I'm surprised by the question, and I guess it shows in my face because he adds, "Puck won't hit on you anymore." He throws a scolding look over his shoulder and Puck raises his hands, feigning innocence.

"We're just trying to get to know people, too," Sam finishes.

"Sure, you can sit with us!" Tina answers excitedly, and throws me a looks as if to say _see, I told you guys would want to sit with us_.

"Awesome," Puck says as he plops himself next to my roommate. Finn stands awkwardly for a moment, not really sure what to do before following Puck and taking a seat on the grass. Sam doesn't move though, and it's like he's waiting for my approval. I don't know why he thinks he needs it. He can sit wherever he wants.

"Yeah sure, whatever," I shrug, and the way he smiles it's like I've just given him a puppy. My lips twitch, and I find myself holding back a smile of my own. He just seems different than the other guys. He seems like a genuinely nice person. He sits next to me.

Sam is true to his word; Puck doesn't try anything again, not even with Tina. We all sit facing each other in a small circle, which is silly and makes me feel like we're doing an icebreaker for class.

"So I'm just gonna get this out of the way," Tina says. "What are everyone's majors?"

"Undecided," Puck shrugs. Shocker.

"History," Finn says.

"Oh, that's cool," Tina keeps the conversation going, "I suck at history. Why'd you pick that?"

"Well, my dad lost his life serving in the military, so I've always been interested in learning about wars and stuff. I don't know, I guess just knowing he died fighting for something makes it easier."

"I'm sorry about your dad," I say quietly, because that sucks. I can't imagine losing my dad.

"It's okay," he smiles, "I was really young. It happened a long time ago. Anyway, what about you guys? Majors?"

"Pre-Med," Tina says, "and if anyone says anything about all Asians wanting to be doctors I'll kill you, 'cause I already know," she rushes. She glares at Puck, because he was clearly about to make a joke about just that. He shuts his mouth but doesn't stop himself from laughing, and she punches him in the arm.

"You should meet our friend Mike," he says, "he's pre-med, too, and he's Asian. You'd be like an Asian power couple. Every parents dream and shit."

"Ugh," Tina groans, "no thank you. That is so opposite of what I want. I'm never dating an Asian."

"Why not?" I laugh, and I'm actually curious. I've seen many attractive Asian men, so I don't know why she's so averse to the idea.

"Because, they're just like…ugh, just no." She shakes her head adamantly.

"Our boy's a stud, though," Sam says with a grin, trying to stick up for his friend. "You'd love him, everyone does."

"Aw, that's cute," Tina coos, "it sounds like he's already taken. Don't worry, Sammie, I won't steal your man." She pats him on the head and he blushes in embarrassment.

Puck hoots and rolls onto his back, laughing up at the sky at Tina's joke. My stomach twists, and I feel my own cheeks heat up a bit, so I blurt—"English!"

Everyone turns to look at me, "My major," I clarify, "It's English."

Sam looks grateful, the attention having shifted from him.

"What about it?" Puck props himself up on his arms.

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused by the question.

"Like, poetry, or books, or what?" He clarifies.

"Oh, um," I clear my throat, "Well, I've always wanted to be a teacher, so I'm thinking English literature. But I also really love writing, so I might do that. Nonfiction though, I'm not creative enough to be a fiction writer. I don't know, maybe I'll do both—Literature and nonfiction writing." I shrug.

"That's really cool," Finn says, "you'll make a great teacher." I smile, but it's kind of silly, because how can he possibly know that? He doesn't even know me.

"Thanks," I reply, and then turn to the blonde next to me. "So what about you, Sam?"

"Film studies," he says.

I'm surprised, "Oh, really?" He nods. "That's really cool, actually. I haven't met anyone else studying film."

"Yeah, I've always loved movies," Sam explains, "my dad kind of raised me on them."

"Mine did too!" I exclaim. "He always quotes classic movies, and if I can't recognize what the line is from, or if I haven't seen the movie it's from, he says he failed as a parent."

"Much to learn you still have, my old padawan," Sam says, and holy crap he sounds just like Yoda.

"Dude, enough with the impressions already," Puck whines.

"Never! You're just jealous cause I'm awesome at them and you're not," Sam grins.

"Star Wars?" I smirk, "you're such a dork."

"Ah," he puts an arm around my shoulders, "but you knew exactly what it was from, so look who's talking," he responds. And damn, he's got me there.

I shrug off his arm. "Whatever," I laugh.

"Oh my God," Puck claps his hands together and has a sickly-sweet grin on his face, "You two are just the cutest nerds!" He turns to Finn, "Soul mates? I think so!"

"Don't be a dick," Sam shoves him. But he's still grinning, and Tina and Finn are laughing. Hearing Puck talk in that girly voice was actually pretty funny, even if he was making fun of me.

I shake my head, not bothered by the immaturity that surrounds me. I lean back and support myself with my arms, my fingers sinking into the cool grass beneath me. I glance toward the cathedral again but am distracted by a kid on the street corner straight ahead of me. I don't know anything about fashion, but one look at this kid and I know he's got it. I also know he's gay. And I also know that the two massive jocks in football jerseys heading towards him most certainly are not.

"What makes you think you can dress like _that_ on my campus and get away with it?" The large black one says, giving the kid a shove that makes him take a few steps back. "I don't want to look at you all day, so the next time I see you, you better dress normal, faggot," he says, spitting the word at him.

The white one pushes the kid again, and this time he actually falls to the ground. My fingers sink further into the soil as my hands try to clench in fists. Who do these guys think they are? You can't just treat someone like that. And I try to stand. I try to push myself off the ground to help this kid, because he looks so scared. And he shouldn't have to be scared. This is college. It's supposed to be different. Everything is supposed to be different after high school, that's what they tell you. But I can't move. I try to, but I can hardly breathe.

But suddenly there's a flash of blonde. At first I think it must be Sam, because it's the same bleached blonde color that I've been sitting with for the past hour. But it's a girl. He hair is in a high pony tail, and she's wearing gym shorts, a T-shirt, and running shoes; it's literally like she ran here to save the day. She's gorgeous. I can tell that her eyes are blue from here, and her legs are long, and pale and muscular. She's not smiling, but I bet if she were, everyone around her would have to smile, too.

She marches straight up to the kid on the ground and takes both of his hands in hers. She says something to him, but I can't hear her from here. The kid looks as if he's going to cry, but he allows himself to be helped to his feet. The girl brushes her hands against his shoulders and arms, wiping away all of the dirt that is soiling his carefully chosen outfit.

I expect her to leave then, to just let it go. But she doesn't. Once she's sure the gay kid is okay, she whips around and shoves the white kid. Hard. He steps back a little, caught off guard.

"What is wrong with you?" She says, and she's loud enough that I can hear her now. She's not yelling, but her voice carries. Her face is stony and her lips are pressed into a thin line.

"And you!" She says, pushing the black guy. "Who the hell do you think you are? Who are you to tell someone how to dress, who to be?"

"Why do you care, you dumb bitch?" He yells. He steps towards her, and I feel my legs twitch. I guess they've decided that they do, in fact, know how to work.

"Yeah," she retorts, "cause I'm sure it takes real brainpower to get pushed around a football field all day." The gay kid is just standing there like he doesn't know what to do.

"I get pushed around?!" He steps forward again, fast, and his friend has to grab his shoulder to hold him back. "You wanna see someone get pushed around, little girl? I'll show you how to push someone around." His friend is really holding him back now.

The gay kid steps forward. "You're not going to touch her," he says with as much courage as he can muster.

"Get out of my face, faggot!" He roars. And goes to raise his fist, but again, his friend stops him.

"Dude, it's not worth it," he grunts, "when you bust his face he'll bleed all over you. You don't wanna catch queer."

I sit forward, and go to push myself up, but there's a hand on my arm. I snap my face around to see Sam gently keeping me where I am. He shakes his head slightly, "Don't go over there."

I shrug him off of me. "What if they get hurt?" I say.

"What if you do?" He responds.

But I don't care. I don't care about me. I should have been there in the first place, helping that kid. Now he and this other girl might end up getting hurt because I wasn't fucking fast enough.

"If it gets out of hand I'll take care of things," Sam adds, which causes me to relax a little.

But the black kid huffs and pulls back. He spits on the gay kid's boots and then backs away. "You better watch your back, homo," he sneers. His friend laughs and they turn to walk away.

"Maybe you should watch yours," the blonde says to their retreating backs. _Azimio #87. Karofsky #49. _

"Yeah, whatever you say Blondie," the Karofsky taunts, and then they're gone. Just quick as it started it's over. The students farther away on the Union lawn didn't even notice anything happened.

"Well, fuck," Puck exhales. "That chick was hot."

"That's was so scary," Tina says, "I didn't think stuff like that happened here."

"It doesn't, usually," Sam replies, "this is a safe campus for everyone, that's what I've heard."

The gay kid says something to the blonde and pulls her into a hug, but they're talking softly again and I can't hear them.

He breaks away and crosses the street, moving on with his life as if stuff like this happens every day. This is why people are afraid to be themselves, shit like this. The blonde waves to him, and then turns. She catches my eye. I'm surprised, because I've been watching her this whole time, but never thought she'd take any notice of me. I'm just a face in the crowd. She doesn't look away, and it feels like she's looking _into_ me. Like she can see that I wanted to help, but couldn't make myself move. Like she knows something about me that I don't. She tilts her head to the side slightly, studying me, and the corner of her mouth lifts into a smile. I swallow thickly, and feel my heart beat a little faster. I feel the heat on my cheeks and immediately lower my gaze.

I glance at Tina and the boys, and am thankful that they're still gossiping about what just happened and haven't noticed the exchange between the blonde and me.

I look up again, but the girl isn't standing on the street corner. I'm disappointed to see her retreating form jogging away down Forbes, past Carnegie Mellon, and I feel the urge to run after her—to just get up and sprint as if my life depended on it.

I shake my head, ridding myself of these thoughts as I turn toward Tina and the boys again. I pretend to listen to their conversation.

What the hell just happened?


End file.
